#pcoscysters

I have this amazing (truely awesome) friend who I talk to all the time.  She also has PCOS and she often is my sounding board for my concerns and negative emotions.  She always listens patiently and can easily relate to how I am feeling.  She is super easy-going and can always bring a smile to my face.

Like a few days ago she tagged me in a post on Facebook, linking to this article:

"11 Things You Will Only Know If You Have PCOS"

It's not like this is new information, but seeing it all laid out and explained in an easy way made me smile, and made me instantly want to tag all the people who are invested in my pregnancy journey so they could read it and understand.  So I thought I'd share it with those people who read my blog (hi!).

It's awesome to have a friend who understands what you are going through, who sends fun, relatable articles.  It's awesome to have a Cyster :-)  I encourage everyone to try and find a Cyster to talk to, even if it means just leaving a comment below.

Trying for a Healthier Lifestyle

Our focus right now is trying to get/be healthy. While yes, we want to be pregnant, my husband and I agree that getting healthy and losing some weight would be the best thing to focus on at the moment.  Let’s not stress about trying to get pregnant at the moment, but let’s see if it happens as we work on getting into better shape.  So we are as we laughing say, not-not trying to get pregnant.  We are trying to let nature take its course. My husband is better at this mindset than me, I can't really get "getting-pregnant" fully out of my head.

So it the interest of being accountable and sharing my progress with you, I weigh as of my last doctor’s appointment, 230 pounds.  I have semi-recently embarked on my journey of eating better. I cut out excessive sweets and sugar about a month and a half ago (with one cheat day we dub “Sunday Night Sweet Tooth”).  Almost everything I read talks about how sugar and PCOS don’t play well together, which makes sense since insulin and blood sugar play into PCOS.

The next step for me was to reduce my caloric intake.  There’s a calculator I used to estimate the number of calories I am supposed to eat, based on my activity level.  I am not great about exercising, so I chose little to no activity.  So according to the calculator, I need to eat around 1800 calories a day.

Calculator can be found HERE.

Of course, lately I have been having a few more sweets because I can't avoid temptation as much as I would want to during the holiday season, there are sweets everywhere and I have a massive sweet tooth.

Typically, I have a small bowl of cereal for breakfast (~350 calories), then a small snack, like snapea crisps (~100 calories), then lunch that consists of a salad with feta cheese and a protein (~250-300 calories) then another snack, typically grapes and nuts (~400 calories, a bit higher than most snacks, but nuts have a bunch of calories), and dinner usually comes in around 600 calories, and that's usually a lean protein dish made at home or a smarter choice from a fast food place (we are not perfect!).

I have been terrible about getting up to exercise in the morning and I am not very self-motivated to exercise, so unless I have a buddy I typically don't exercise.  My husband is more motivated in the morning and typically doesn't want to go for a walk with me after work (I don't want to go alone when it gets dark so early, either).  So my exercising routine is basically non-existent.

Hopefully I can get my act together before the new year!

Good News?

So as of Monday, this being probably too much information, I officially have had my period!  It's bittersweet as usual; however, this cycle has given me a glimmer of optimism.

(Warning, I do tend to over-share and the next part might be a bit much for some people, so feel free to stop reading here as the pertinent information is that I had a fairly normal cycle.)

It is my shortest cycle to date (not including those controlled by the birth control pill) at only a week over a normal 28-day cycle. Not bad, considering I have had to have a provera cycle in the past.  Also, it's my heaviest flow I have had in a long time (not counting the provera cycle).  In my oodles of internet research, I read that women with PCOS have lighter periods because their hormone levels tend to be lower and inconsistent, so the lining doesn't build up as much.  With this being a heavier cycle, I am hypothesizing that means that my hormones were at a more normal level throughout this cycle, allowing for my body to go about it's business the way it is supposed to.

While I am not relishing the typical side effects of my periods (i.e. cramps and nausea) and I'm a bit rusty dealing with a heavy period, I am cautiously optimistic.  I feel like maybe cutting way back on sugar has helped me tremendously, since this is really the first whole cycle where I had done so, and it is the shortest.  The next shortest cycle I had was when I was exercising regularly, which I had not really done at all this cycle (I really need to work on that).  So if I can get my butt in gear, and continue on the lower sugar intake and exercise I might get myself in a good place. Definitely more smiles this week, that tiny, tiny voice is winning this round.

(Cue small "yay!")

'Tis the Season

This song has struck a chord with me for this season.  I love the haunting, kind-of-rock spin to this Christmas classic.  I have listened to it like crazy.



I love Christmas music, and my taste has always been very diverse, but songs with a more serious or sophisticated flair have always held a special place in my heart (think, Carol of the Bells).  This song fits well in with those.  Seriously, I have listened to this song like a dozen times, if not more (I have listed to it twice through already getting it embedded and typing up this post.)


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Hope vs. Pessimism

That's the ongoing battle in my head at the moment, or to be honest, it has been going on since I have been trying to get pregnant.  I am just a bit too neurotic not to notice when I have a random change in my body.  Then it's the proverbial game of "Am I pregnant?"

In theory, if I had a normal 28 day cycle, my period would have started last Monday; shockingly (*sarcasm*), it did not. So I have started up the weekly testing cycle again.  I took one before my "missed" period (or should I say "missing") because I am driven myself crazy with imagined symptoms; negative. Then for the past week, it has been a battle in my head


...



"The water from our fridge is tasting funny, but the husband says he doesn't notice anything, am I pregnant?"

"Come on, let's be realistic, you're not pregnant, stop stressing yourself out."

"I have been more tired lately, maybe I'm pregnant ..."

"You've felt this way before and all the tests are negative.  Be realistic."

"It would be perfect if the test came out positive, it's a little early, but we could surprise everyone for Christmas."

"You're getting your hopes up for nothing."

"No matter what, I will have kids of my own, even if I have to adopt them. For sure, I will have a little one to love."

"I would love to experience the feeling of a baby growing inside me."

"It's never going to happen."

"Maybe this test will be the one."

"The app says I'm ovulating soon, so there's still hope?"

"Don't get your hopes up.  Your just making yourself anxious."


...


And so on, in circles in my head.  I found that trying to stay in the mindset of "not pregnant until proven otherwise" helps keep me in a better mindset overall.  In theory, it means that I will be surprised at myself when a test does potentially show positive; as well as, I am not utterly defeated when I get a negative test.

But there is always that glimmer of hope that I can't squash that says to me, "Maybe you'll be proven wrong this time.  Maybe you really are pregnant."  As much as I feign indifference, I am am optimist at heart.  When I enter a raffle, I am always like, "Oh, I never win these" but there's a tiny, tiny voice deep inside me that says "Maybe this time will be different. Maybe you'll win,  It's your turn this time."

So every time I take a test, that tiny, tiny voice whispers, "Maybe this time, maybe you'll win."

Let's hope that voice is right.