Our Little Nugget

So after a good appointment with my doctor, we scheduled an ultrasound to see our tiny human. That may have been the longest weekend ever (appointment on Friday, ultrasound first thing Monday morning).

The ultrasound was a bit nerve wracking ... I didn't entirely know what I was looking at and the tech told us that she would take measurements first and explain afterwards.  The entire time, I was looking for a heartbeat ... that was literally all I cared about.  I didn't care how far along I was as long at the baby had a heartbeat.  Between the bings as she took images and made measurements and her stoic silence, I was so nervy.  I didn't see the heartbeat and the tech never cracked a smile ... and then the waiting was over and she FINALLY started explaining what we were seeing.

We have a healthy looking little olive.  She showed us the tiny little flicker of a heartbeat (so I was worried for nothing). Everything looks good so far.  Our wee human measured 8 weeks, 6 days at the appointment ... so they are currently due on my husband and my 3rd anniversary.

So eve though I am exhausted, frequently nauseated, and hormonal ... I am so in love and so excited.  I can't believe this is happening.

The Glow

(continued from The Glimmer)

So after seeing the potential good news from the ovulation test (after all, this is waaaay past the proper, allotted viewing time), I glance over at the pregnancy test.

...

There was the faintest of lines.  What? Huh?  I had never seen a positive line on a pregnancy test before, except the one time that I looked at a test the next day, so it was totally an evap line (long story short, I may have made a slight fool of myself, and told a couple people discreetly (although I did preface it with that doubt (because I knew it could be an evap line)) and opted out of drinking at a bachelorette party ... and tested every couple of days after that, with negative results, so OBVIOUSLY not pregnant).

So I was still freaking out ... I had taken plenty of pregnancy tests of this brand and never, ever had an evap line with this brand of tests. So I call my husband in to see if he sees it (he does) and explain that we shouldn't get too excited because it was after the viewing time, but at the same time I had diluted my pee because I was testing a theory (and even though I am normally scientific about these things, I didn't even think to do a control pregnancy test on undiluted urine).  He suggested using one of the spare early pregnancy tests, to see what happens (without waiting for a build up in the bladder, to concentrate the urine).

...

The Glimmer

The thing was, July was crazy.  After the news from my friends, I had two solid days of self pity.  I was unhappy, tired and just down in the dumps.  I had an emergency vent day with a close girlfriend, and we started talking about me.

Well, since my last cycle wasn't normal, I was having some doubts and questions about it.  So during our ladies night, I was telling my friend about the hook effect and how I was wondering if that was the case for me.  It is very rare (*cough* highly unlikely *cough*) but to test for it, you dilute the test urine and then test with a regular HCG pregnancy test.  So that night, I went home and tested for ovulation (it was day 19, if we were counting my last period) and then I added water and tested for pregnancy.  I waited and was impatient ... and nothing happened (note: if you do have the hook effect, after dilution, the lines come out very dark).  The ovulation test was looking a bit darker than it had been, but negative on the pregnancy test.  So instead of torturing myself and waiting the full 5 minutes in hopes of a faint line (let's face it, I wasn't pregnant), I decided to go watch TV with my husband and just relax.

About a half hour later, I wandered back into the bedroom and glanced at the tests as I was changing into more comfortable clothes. The ovulation test was almost positive, so I breathed a sigh of relief, like "Finally a positive ovulation test, maybe this is the cycle.  We can finally time this right and just maybe we can get pregnant soon."

To be continued ...

July Was Crazy

July was a crazy month.  I got news that someone close to me got pregnant, while using protection.  That was a huge blow.  Like seriously, I wanted to sob my eyes out, and there were moments in the days that followed that as I was driving to work, I would has a hysterical laughing fit, like "Is this really happening?"  Then I felt like a totally selfish person, because they didn't get pregnant at me and their pregnancy is its own special (and potentially complicated) experience that I would get to have the privilege of being there for.

But the emotions were so raw, that I couldn't bring myself to write about it at the time.

And really, I felt like it didn't reflect well upon me, with how I was feeling.  I felt like an ugly, jealous person. I was gracious and caring and supportive on the outside, but on the inside, my heart just stopped when we heard the news.  In fact, the whole moment seemed to happen in slow motion.  As soon as they opened up their mouth, I just knew what they were going to say.  The ugly part of me kept repeating the mantra, "You've been trying for over a year ... they got pregnant on accident".  I wasn't proud of myself.

Also, at the same time, my boss left for a three week vacation (it was planned, but our department is basically just the two of us, so his responsibilities fell to me).  Of course, the day after he leaves, suddenly everything goes crazy and the workload was immense.  No rest, that's for sure.

On top of that, we were planning a huge trip to see my husband's extended family at the end of July, flying with his parents, sister, her husband and their two kiddos (under the age of 2).  The whole month was just looking like it was going to be a huge draining void.  Not that I didn't want to see my husband's family, but flying across country is always an ordeal.

So yeah, I had basically written off the month.