Happy Leap Day!

I have always loved the idea of leap year, so I thought I'd throw in a small update on this fun, special day. No signs; of either a period (except some minor PMS symptoms, perhaps) or of a positive pregnancy test.  So yeah, I am still wandering around in a land of uncertainty. Fun. 

Mixed Signals

So yesterday, I was all out of sorts, so my friend suggested I take a pregnancy test and an ovulation test kit, since I'm not regular. In theory, these random symptoms I might be feeling (see: hypochondriac) could be from either ovulating or pregnancy.

I mentioned my thoughts to my husband and he was convinced that taking both tests would be a good idea.  So I did.

Drum roll, please .... and ...

It was a negative pregnancy test, but a faint positive ovulation test.  So, in theory, I could be building up to ovulating, or I could be coming down from ovulating.  In theory, my five week cycle would mean that I should test again in one week, and that my hormones might be coming down from ovulating.  The last theory, is that a ovulation predictor kit can potentially detect pregnancy ... so basically all of the options are open.

Can you see what I mean about mixed signals?  So I will be doing a couple more ovulation tests, to see if I am about to ovulate, and I will probably test in a week to see if I am pregnant ... fingers crossed!

(Also, feel free to ignore the crazy lady over here ... haha.  I just needed to vent out all my anxiety and nervousness)

On the Brink

So, I feel like there is a huge weight bearing down on me. I am on day 27 of my cycle, and that means that I am only a day or two away from starting a new testing cycle (a test a week or so, until my period makes an appearance).  There is a lot riding on this cycle.

My husband and I said we would not-not-try to get pregnant for a year, and then we would talk about taking more proactive measures.  That year is marked by our wedding anniversary, which is mid-March.  That means that this cycle is the last cycle of our first year of semi-trying to get pregnant.  My doctor told me that a majority (I can't remember the exact percent, but I feel like it was like 80%) of people, even with fertility issues, get pregnant in the first year.

What if I'm not pregnant? Does that make me defective?

I am afraid that I'll never get pregnant. I am not great at visualizing things in my head, and the image of myself getting pregnant, I can't get to form.  I look down at my belly, and I can't see myself pregnant.  Maybe it's just not meant to be? I can't think like that, but something these self-defeating thoughts are hard to shake.

I'm so nervous about this cycle. I feel like I am over-analyzing all of my potential symptoms.  I feel bloated, occasionally queasy and I am definitely emotional.  Could I be pregnant? Possibly.  Could I not be pregnant?  Possibly.  Am I totally stuck in my head?  Most likely.

I want to be pregnant so much, I just adore the new little babies that I am surrounded with.  It's just tough.  I don't want to let down myself or, even more so, my husband.  I know he wants to be a daddy so much, and I want to give that to him with my whole heart.

I'm nervous about the potential future, full of fertility testing and possible fertility treatments.  It's kind of terrifying, that's a whole new world to delve into.  A big, ominous world of medical intervention.  It's not exactly a comforting thought.

But for now, I just have to wait and see.  I will try to be content to torture myself by watching television shows about babies and crafting cute little things for my nephew and Widdle Man.

Wish me luck, patience and peace of mind.

Baby Dust

So it's been crazy around here lately!  My nephew, whom I lovingly call "Little Man", decided to come three weeks early and was born at the end of January, instead of waiting for Valentine's Day.  We jokingly say he really wanted the red birthstone.  He has the chubbiest cheeks, oh so cute! 

So my husband and I scurried to help get their house ready for Little Man, cleaning all his bedding and blankets and clothes, because my sister-in-law and her husband hadn't quite prepped yet for him.  My niece had to be helped along into this world (she was comfy in-utero, for sure!) so they expected the same for baby number 2, but my nephew was impatient to make his appearance!

So we basked in the glow of Little Man for a couple days, when my other good friend went into labor and had her little boy! The boys are so close together, I call them twinsies!  I have dubbed my friend's little boy, "Widdle Man". He has the darkest red lips!  He is a cute little goober too!

So I am swimming in newborns!  In fact, I spent nearly an entire day with my friend and Widdle Man, getting to cuddle him and love on him and her (of course!) Then, the next day, I spent with my family and Little Man, watching the Superbowl.  I got awesome cuddle time with him too; fun fact, I may have fallen asleep with him on my chest (also asleep) and slept through the third quarter ... oops.  I'm not much of a sports person, can you tell?

I am hoping that all this time with babies rubs off on me, and helps my body want a baby too.  Fingers crossed!