Opening Old Wounds

Hello again. It's been awhile.

My little olive is now 18 months old and we are getting on the roller coaster again. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I love my toddler so much and there is guilt there about having another child because there won't be the same amount of attention to go around. We always wanted more than one child though, so here we are again.

We unsuccessfully started not not-trying when our little one was 12 month old, while I was still breastfeeding (I loved the idea of tandem feeding and was super hopeful that I could get pregnant while breastfeeding). With no since of my cycle restarting, or me being pregnant, we set the date of 18 months to wean our toddler and start seeing a doctor again; lucky for me and my mom guilt, the little one self-weaned at 17 months.

I've been to the doctor now, and we have a game plan, but there was definitely a gut punch when the doctor matter-of-factly noted I was there for Infertility Counseling. Currently I am waiting impatiently for my period, which should be the result of taking the week of progesterone pills to induce it. So I feel sad, bloated and defeated.

I'm on the roller coaster again and I'm not looking forward to the ride.